I think I'm going to try it.

I didn't walk last night. Frankly, I was afraid. I really don't want to take a small injury and make it into a HUGE injury.

I tend to do that.

But my knee feels SO much better today. I can bend my leg in all sorts of awkward ways and nothing bad happens.

So I think I'm cool.

I'm going to walk after work. I won't run or anything. But I'm going to walk.

Yeah. Not cool.

So after I twisted my ankle and did this?


I fell onto my knee and did this:



Sexy.


Can you believe I walked another fifty-two minutes after doing that? What was I thinking?!?!?

Being clumsy sucks.

I asked Jason to walk with me tonight and it's a good thing I did.

I said to him, "I always carry my cell phone when I walk out here. I'm so afraid I'm going to twist my ankle and fall on this rocky path".

Literally, LITERALLY like less than two minutes later, I TWISTED MY STUPID ANKLE AND FELL.

I skinned my knee and, it turns out, twisted it. My ankle went a funky direction.

I got dirt all over my yoga pants, shoes, and my hand.

I got small rocks and gravel stuck in my hand.



I got up.


I kept walking.


In fact? I walked for an hour.



I might regret it tomorrow. But today? I didn't give up.

My big scare. By Stephanie age 32.

So I've been walking all the time and the place I walk the most is very heavily wooded. I had a huge amount of bug bites on both of my legs and on my arms and so when I was putting on deodorant one day and felt kind of ouchy about it, I figured I had gotten a bug bite under my arm.

Yes, I know that sounds crazy. But it made sense at the time.

It didn't feel better for a few days, so I looked at it again and noticed that it was red and raised and kind of bumpy. I felt of it and I definately felt a lump. Not a bug bite, but a definate, sincere, raised lump.

But I didn't freak out, you know? Why would I. It's just a lump under my arm. Could be a million things, right? Of course.

That night I was doing my civic duty as a woman and the daughter of a breast cancer survivor and feeling myself up.

And then I felt a lump.

It felt sort of the same as the one under my arm.

I felt again, just to make sure. Because, see, I'm kind of paranoid about breast cancer. I have been for a long time. I didn't want to see something that wasn't there.

I felt it again. It was there.


So.

I still didn't panic or freak out. I went to bed. The next day I went to work and as soon as the doctor's office opened I called them and said, "I need to come in, I have a lump".

So they asked me to come in the next day.

So I did.

And the doctor?

Found a total of three more lumps. In addition to the two I had already found.


And then the doctor?

Said, "How old was your mom when she was diagnosed?"

And I heard myself say, "Forty".

She said immediately, "Let's get this checked out right away".


I sat in the examining room, waiting. I could hear the nurse on the phone outside the door of my room. Scheduling an appointment for a mammogram. I heard her say,

"She's only thirty-two," and there was a pause and then, "Her mother was forty when she was diagnosed".



I have never in my life felt so alone and so young.


The next morning I went and had a mammogram and a breast ultrasound. I was the youngest person there and I felt very alone and scared. In my mind I felt like it was nothing, but I kept having these nagging doubts.

Turns out it WAS nothing, but I found out that I am at an increased risk for breast cancer, based on how I answered questions on the assessment I was given. A normal woman's risk of breast cancer in her lifetime is 12%.

My risk is 25%.

I asked my doctor if there was anything I could do to improve my odds, and sadly, there is nothing. I have the double whammy of having both parents have cancer and the misfortune of having a mother who was diagnosed very young.

The worst case scenario for me, at this point, is that I catch something very early.

I'm going to make sure that's the worst thing that happens.

Look what you can do!

Lean Cuisine has these really cute lunch bags for sale. They are only $9.95 and for every one you purchase they will donate $5 to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation.

And they are pretty styling this year!



You know you want one. Or, you know, twelve.

So. What the crap am I doing here?

My name is Stephanie Snowe. I am thirty-two years old and the mother of ten year old twins.

When I was sixteen years old my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.

It was a really hard time. My mom was really sick. I didn't know if she would live or die. She lost all of her hair and one of her boobs.

That was sixteen years ago.

I recently decided that I needed to get my fat ass into shape and, at the same time, do something with my life.

Thus, I decided to walk 39 miles in 2 days in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.

The one problem?

I have a fat ass.

I am not in shape.



I have until October 2009 to get it in gear, lose weight, and prepare for the walk.


This blog will be my accountability.